Like the title say's...it's been a while. And a lot has been going on, but the biggest thing in all this time, is that I have finally officially filed for the divorce. Something I have learned, for some of us, we might just be lucky enough to do this the "easy" way.
So many have this image in their head about the couple divorcing spewing hate towards each other and the kids looking mortified as to what's going to happen. Lawyer's in the background secretly grinning over the ten's of thousands of dollars they are going to rake in from the squabbling ex-couple. And that is just not the case for me.
In my situation, both the ex and I agreed to the divorce, agreed to a no fault, we discussed everything, including the kids. Very amicable, and if it is possible to do it that way, it is the best way to do it. Yes, I consulted with a lawyer. He was nice, gave me all the information/tools I needed to do this on my own, and advised me if I wanted, I could go with him and the cost of it. So basically it would have cost me $1500 just to have the lawyer fill in the blanks, run down to the courthouse, file, give it to my ex and have him sign a paper and file that. Wait 90 days, and file the last few papers.
Overestimating, I guessed it would be around $500 to do it all myself. I was wrong, it will be LESS than $400. The biggest expenses already paid for when I filed in February. Now I can't speak for any other state, but here, I'm glad there is an "easy" way. A way to do this without having to involve lawyers and try to come up with tens of thousands of dollars to do something that there is no battle over. The ex and I went down to the county courthouse together, filed, and now we wait till May, go back down, give the last few pages and done.
Again, this isn't for everyone, but if you are in a situation where it can be "friendly" why not go that route? By doing it this way, we have reduced the animosity between us, the kids are far better off, and they don't feel dragged in. Or so E-man tells me. I hate conflict, I actually hate arguing. And because we were/are able to do things this way, it will just make future dealings with him that much more "smooth".
So what about the kids? What's going to happen with that? Well we pretty much have that worked out too. We will be filing in court in the future on custody, visitation, and child support. For one reason, and one reason only, to protect both of us and to ensure his rights as the father are preserved. I get it, I understand it, and I agree with it. I have heard from too many divorced mom's and dad's the hell they go through. Don't need that. This is what it is, this is what will be followed, and anything extra is just that, extra.
Which leads me to my next thought, why are dad's viewed as incompetent? I mean so many are in shock if a dad get's custody or does the right thing, like they can't or aren't expected to be able handle being a parent. Guess what, they can and do. We worked out what is best for our situation. Sometimes it's better for mom to have the physical custody, sometimes the dad. It just depends. My boys know that their dad loves them, wants them in his life and I make sure they know it from me too. I think sometimes parents get into this whole power struggle thing, and drag the kids into it. Way to let the kids feel like they are human...not. They don't feel like that, instead they feel like property. Like the blender that was given as an anniversary gift. And unless y'all plan on living like one mile apart or something, one parent is going to have the kids the majority of the time. Just keep the kids in mind and what is going to be best for them. They will appreciate it down the line and love both parents equally for putting them first.
So many have this image in their head about the couple divorcing spewing hate towards each other and the kids looking mortified as to what's going to happen. Lawyer's in the background secretly grinning over the ten's of thousands of dollars they are going to rake in from the squabbling ex-couple. And that is just not the case for me.
In my situation, both the ex and I agreed to the divorce, agreed to a no fault, we discussed everything, including the kids. Very amicable, and if it is possible to do it that way, it is the best way to do it. Yes, I consulted with a lawyer. He was nice, gave me all the information/tools I needed to do this on my own, and advised me if I wanted, I could go with him and the cost of it. So basically it would have cost me $1500 just to have the lawyer fill in the blanks, run down to the courthouse, file, give it to my ex and have him sign a paper and file that. Wait 90 days, and file the last few papers.
Overestimating, I guessed it would be around $500 to do it all myself. I was wrong, it will be LESS than $400. The biggest expenses already paid for when I filed in February. Now I can't speak for any other state, but here, I'm glad there is an "easy" way. A way to do this without having to involve lawyers and try to come up with tens of thousands of dollars to do something that there is no battle over. The ex and I went down to the county courthouse together, filed, and now we wait till May, go back down, give the last few pages and done.
Again, this isn't for everyone, but if you are in a situation where it can be "friendly" why not go that route? By doing it this way, we have reduced the animosity between us, the kids are far better off, and they don't feel dragged in. Or so E-man tells me. I hate conflict, I actually hate arguing. And because we were/are able to do things this way, it will just make future dealings with him that much more "smooth".
So what about the kids? What's going to happen with that? Well we pretty much have that worked out too. We will be filing in court in the future on custody, visitation, and child support. For one reason, and one reason only, to protect both of us and to ensure his rights as the father are preserved. I get it, I understand it, and I agree with it. I have heard from too many divorced mom's and dad's the hell they go through. Don't need that. This is what it is, this is what will be followed, and anything extra is just that, extra.
Which leads me to my next thought, why are dad's viewed as incompetent? I mean so many are in shock if a dad get's custody or does the right thing, like they can't or aren't expected to be able handle being a parent. Guess what, they can and do. We worked out what is best for our situation. Sometimes it's better for mom to have the physical custody, sometimes the dad. It just depends. My boys know that their dad loves them, wants them in his life and I make sure they know it from me too. I think sometimes parents get into this whole power struggle thing, and drag the kids into it. Way to let the kids feel like they are human...not. They don't feel like that, instead they feel like property. Like the blender that was given as an anniversary gift. And unless y'all plan on living like one mile apart or something, one parent is going to have the kids the majority of the time. Just keep the kids in mind and what is going to be best for them. They will appreciate it down the line and love both parents equally for putting them first.